A different kind of Moo Game

While traveling on the Trans-Kalahari Highway a few years ago, Simon “invented” a new game to keep us entertained: whenever you see a cow, you have to say “Moo”. This may not seem like a very exciting game, but the Trans-Kalahari Highway is 1,000km long and runs dead-straight through a really boring landscape – anything to keep you entertained is appreciated.

While this version of the “Moo” game may not have caught on much, millions of South Africans are playing their own version of it every year: the Lobola Game.

The definition may sound straight-forward, but Lobola is a complicated process involving all male adult family members, different types of payments and fines, exchange of pleasantries and gifts and the actual negotiations. There is a price for receiving the “negotiating party” and allowing them to present their proposal, for bearing and raising the wife-to-be, for feeding and educating her, and for allowing the marriage. In addition to these official prices, there are fines for sitting down too early, eating “too eagerly” and even for the husband-in-spe to be physically present during the negotiations.

At the end of a lengthy negotiation process – the waiting to be let into the house alone can take several hours – a prize for the bride is determined. Usually in cows.

Historically, factors like age, education and (possibly most importantly) social standing of the parents have determined the bride price. At R5,000 – R10,000 a cow and an average price of around 10 cows, “purchasing” your bride-to-be can quickly become a major expense.

To help the husband-to-be estimate how much cash-cows he needs to save before even considering marriage, a new App has been launched to calculate Lobola. In addition to historical “price push factors” the App also wants to know weight, height, waist circumference and “hotness” to estimate Lobola. (I can only hope that the App was programmed by South Africans and actually reflects the Nation’s preferences for big “assets”).

Fortunately, I won’t have to rely on the App to figure out my “worth”. During a business trip for the German Embassy, I had the pleasure of meeting a local chief. On a walk through his village, we talked among other things about Lobola and he told me that his daughter would be worth at least 50 cows. I, on the other hand, should not expect more than three…

Maybe I should download the App after all and see whether I can score at least a handful of cows…