You Know You’re South African If...

Exactly one year ago today I landed in Johannesburg and started my new life in South Africa! Rather than bore you with a sobby and emotional entry about my time out here, I decided to share some “valuable insights” on culture, lifestyle and daily life in South Africa with you … Enjoy!


You Know You’re South African If…

1. You took Matric, went to Varsity and stayed in Res
2. You stop at a robot and turn at a circle
3. You think milk tart is the best cake ever
4. You don’t walk to the local shops, but run a marathon at weekends
5. You think it’s normal to sit in a restaurant with your coat, hat, scarf and gloves on…
6. You overtake people on either side of the road – no matter when, where and how fast they are going
7. You ask people how they are before you ask who they are
8. You’ve eaten at three of the big four: Wimpy’s, Steers, Spurs and Nando’s
9. You have your bag scanned at least once a day and no one has ever looked at the screen

10. You put avocado on everything – salad, pizza, burgers – everything!
11. You no longer stop at red traffic lights and stopped paying attention to speed limits
12. You eat rusks instead of biscuits and biltong instead of nuts
13. You don’t even consider leaving for a meeting until 15minutes after it has started
14. You no longer say “Yes” – you now say “Jaaaa”
15. You cannot remember the last time you washed a plate, iron a shirt or hovered the lounge –
16. You know at least three people who were mugged, hijacked or robbed in the last twelve months
17. You don’t leave the house without putting sun lotion on, moisturise twice a day and apply hand creme by the hour
18. You have a braai with boerewurst, mealies and pap every weekend
19. Your attitude towards drink driving has changed somewhat…

20. You’ve discovered the beauty of Mr. Price, Edgars and Milky Lane
21. You love Goldfish, Flash Republic and the Parlotones
22. You’ve had a Steers birthday
23. You put ice in your wine – red and white
24. You are incapable of giving directions that involve street names rather than petrol stations, traffic lights and stop signs
25. People assume you’re Afrikaans just because you’re white and blonde
26. You skip lunch for bible studies
27. At some point in your life you have owned a Tazz, Citigolf or a Bukkie
28. You get up at 4am to go to the gym
29. You eat red meat at least six days a week

30. You think Afrikaans is a sexy language
31. You are asked to give feedback on the state of toilets or report good driving and pay for it
32. You can spend more on a single dinner than some people earn in a year
33. Everyone is your brother or sister
34. You watch Isidingo, 7de Laan and Binnelanders
35. You are going 20km/h faster than the speed limit, but you’re still the slowest car on the road
36. You do all your grocery shopping on the pavement
37. You know people who are called Witness, Justice, Blessing and Wednesday
38. You think chicken is a vegetarian dish
39. You’ve got the most beautiful beaches around the corner, but prefer to go to Spain instead

40. You are not too worried about having your driving license on you as long as you have a bit of cash
41. You don’t eat a Mars Bars, but a Bar One
42. You always blame the Nigerians
43. You know there’s absolutely nothing in the Free State
44. You’ve had a Springbok
45. You know there’s more to South Africa than Cape Town and Joburg – Durban for example
46. You think its normal that workers on strike dance and sing outside their offices
47. You address everyone with “My friend” or “My brother”
48. You know where to find your local witch doctor to practice some Muti and free you from evil spirits, stop your wife from cheating, make sure you win the lotto and improve your sexual performance
49. You think Europe is a tiny village and plan to visit ten countries in eight days
And a last one ... maybe slightly unfair…
50. You’re twenty eight, live with your parents and have never had sex