I’m not usually a fan of frameworks or mindfulness exercises, so putting the two together is not something I’m bound to love. But for some reason the concept of “Roses, buds and thorns”, which a colleague introduced at work the other day, stuck with me. It might not be the classical interpretation of this exercise, but I think of roses as things that I know will make me happy; of buds as unexpected yet beautiful surprises; and of thorns as unexpected and painful events that I didn’t anticipate.
Over the past months, there have been a lot of roses and buds in my life, but there have also been a bunch of unexpected thorns that hurt and made me question things.
Some relationships, which I had not considered particularly deep (anymore), were reinvigorated and strengthened: Colleagues who I’d only known briefly became closer friends; friends, who I’d thought of more as acquaintances, reached out more, offered support and kind words; and some old friends from past lives found their way back into the present one. It’s been lovely to have new life bring old friends closer.
But as lovely as it has been to (re)strengthen friendship, I have to admit that the joy has been overshadowed by rather unexpected thorns. Two close friends suddenly turned away from me once they learnt about the upcoming changes and cut or radically reduced contact. One of them was my best friend, who decided the new situation wasn’t in line with how he had thought about our friendship and withdrew from me. We still speak occasionally, but nowhere near as much as before. I like to think he would still be there for me if I needed him but can’t help but feel that he left me alone at a time when my life was already filled with a lot of uncertainties and fears – a time when I would have needed his friendship and support. I understand his reasons to some extent, but it hurts nonetheless and I miss my friend. A few other friends – some closer, others more sporadic – also decided that they couldn’t or didn’t want to handle the new situation and preferred to cut or weaken ties. It makes you wonder what the basis and motivation for these friendships ever was and why these friends had chosen to invest in our friendships in the first place.
What it mainly does though, is make me sad and add further uncertainty and doubt to a situation that is already quite difficult and challenging. I don’t think I am resentful and would probably welcome these friends back into my life with open arms, but recent experiences have left me felt a bit bruised.
Over the past months, there have been a lot of roses and buds in my life, but there have also been a bunch of unexpected thorns that hurt and made me question things.
Some relationships, which I had not considered particularly deep (anymore), were reinvigorated and strengthened: Colleagues who I’d only known briefly became closer friends; friends, who I’d thought of more as acquaintances, reached out more, offered support and kind words; and some old friends from past lives found their way back into the present one. It’s been lovely to have new life bring old friends closer.
But as lovely as it has been to (re)strengthen friendship, I have to admit that the joy has been overshadowed by rather unexpected thorns. Two close friends suddenly turned away from me once they learnt about the upcoming changes and cut or radically reduced contact. One of them was my best friend, who decided the new situation wasn’t in line with how he had thought about our friendship and withdrew from me. We still speak occasionally, but nowhere near as much as before. I like to think he would still be there for me if I needed him but can’t help but feel that he left me alone at a time when my life was already filled with a lot of uncertainties and fears – a time when I would have needed his friendship and support. I understand his reasons to some extent, but it hurts nonetheless and I miss my friend. A few other friends – some closer, others more sporadic – also decided that they couldn’t or didn’t want to handle the new situation and preferred to cut or weaken ties. It makes you wonder what the basis and motivation for these friendships ever was and why these friends had chosen to invest in our friendships in the first place.
What it mainly does though, is make me sad and add further uncertainty and doubt to a situation that is already quite difficult and challenging. I don’t think I am resentful and would probably welcome these friends back into my life with open arms, but recent experiences have left me felt a bit bruised.
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