Out here on my own

And another... throw-back a couple of years post to when I first arrived in Rome. 

  
Being sick is never nice. Moving to a new city can be a little lonely. Combining the two is not a recipe for happiness.

Two days after I moved to Rome, I became ill and have since then spent the majority of my time in hospital or recovering at home. The doctors recommended that I do no physical activity for at least two weeks and judging by the pain I still feel when I walk a little too fast, the recommendation really is to stay seated or lying down as much as possible.

So life in Rome has been slow... slow and lonely. A quiet evening watching a movie or a day sleeping in and reading books can be a really nice. But too much quiet time inevitably brings loneliness.

Unable to go out and make a new life, I found myself wondering whether it had been the right decision to leave a beautiful life with great friends for the sake of chasing inspiration. Two conversations with friends came to my mind:

“You may not understand why I don’t jump at the idea of moving to Paris for a year, I struggle to understand why what you’ve got here is not enough to make you happy”

“Moving away may seem like a decision for a new country, but it inevitably is a decision against the old one”

Both comments have made me think a lot – not just about leaving South Africa, but also the UK and Germany – and I couldn’t help but wonder what my life might have been like if I had not moved around so much. If I had felt “satisfied” with what I had and inspired by the World around me.

I would see my closest friends more than twice a year, I might have a place to call my home, I would have been there for many missed special moments.

And yet, when I think about the things I might not have done – every possible fancy dress, learned how to Céilidh, kayaked on the Zambezi, cuddled leopards – and the amazing friends all over the world I might not have met, I have no regrets. There will be a time and a place to settle down – but it’s not here yet. 

A calming and comforting thought in the lonely walls of a hotel room: this sneaky feeling of regret and the loneliness creeping into my bones are going to be temporary. New friends are waiting to be found, places to be discovered and memories to be made. What are a few weeks of feeling sad, when the World is going to offer so much in return?

A very belated post-scriptum: I'm happy to say that I actually made it to these three places and to many more beautiful ones all over Italy. And I'm even happier to say that I left Rome with wonderful new friends and countless happy memories.