Day 1: Pretoria – Francistown
“The problem with not having air con is that it prevents conversation.”
“The problem with not having air con is that it prevents conversation.”
Day 2: Francistown – Kadoma
“The Lady is an economist? Aish... you’re gonna be in trouble!”
(Zimbabwean border official to Simon while processing our visa applications)
“The Lady is an economist? Aish... you’re gonna be in trouble!”
(Zimbabwean border official to Simon while processing our visa applications)
Day 3: Kadoma – Kariba
“At that point I had already been arrested for assault twelve times. They thought I was some kind of psychopath.”
(Manager of the Kariba Country Club about beating up his black staff)
“At that point I had already been arrested for assault twelve times. They thought I was some kind of psychopath.”
(Manager of the Kariba Country Club about beating up his black staff)
Day 4: Canoe Safari, Day 1
“Thanks for making me do this, Jo!”
(Simon, glad about having been bullied into doing a canoe safari on the Zambezi)
“Thanks for making me do this, Jo!”
(Simon, glad about having been bullied into doing a canoe safari on the Zambezi)
Day 5: Canoe Safari, Day 2
“To the bank, to the bank!”
(Canoe guard Yebo while a hippo was approaching our canoes)
“To the bank, to the bank!”
(Canoe guard Yebo while a hippo was approaching our canoes)
Day 6: Canoe Safari, Day 3
“Hippo at one, three and five o’clock…”
(Simon and I while paddling on the Zambezi)
“Hippo at one, three and five o’clock…”
(Simon and I while paddling on the Zambezi)
Day 7: Canoe Safari, Day 4
“Right guys, we’ll reach our landing point in twenty minutes.”
(Canoe guard Elijah announcing the end of our safari prompting Simon and myself to stop paddling)
“Right guys, we’ll reach our landing point in twenty minutes.”
(Canoe guard Elijah announcing the end of our safari prompting Simon and myself to stop paddling)
Day 8: Kariba – Chipata
“I’m about to do you a really big favour...”
(Zimbabwean border official after noting that some “required” car documents were missing)
“I’m about to do you a really big favour...”
(Zimbabwean border official after noting that some “required” car documents were missing)
Day 9: Chipata – Cape Maclear
“You better control your women!”
(Police official to Simon while negotiating a “fine”)
“You better control your women!”
(Police official to Simon while negotiating a “fine”)
Day 10: Domwe Island
Jo: “Is anyone else staying on the island?”
Guard: “No, tonight it’s just you guys!”
(Island guard telling Simon and I that we had an island in Lake Malawi all to ourselves)
Jo: “Is anyone else staying on the island?”
Guard: “No, tonight it’s just you guys!”
(Island guard telling Simon and I that we had an island in Lake Malawi all to ourselves)
Day 11: Mumbo Island
“Oh… I can feel my hangover kick in…”
(Simon while kayaking / being kayaked across Lake Malawi)
“Oh… I can feel my hangover kick in…”
(Simon while kayaking / being kayaked across Lake Malawi)
Day 12: Cape Maclear
“Excuse me, would it be possible to have a different cup. This one really isn’t suitable for a man of my size.”
(Simon harassing a rather unfriendly waiter over breakfast on Mumbo Island)
“Excuse me, would it be possible to have a different cup. This one really isn’t suitable for a man of my size.”
(Simon harassing a rather unfriendly waiter over breakfast on Mumbo Island)
Day 13: Cape Maclear – Huntingdon House
“It wouldn’t be the same without being stuck in a mud hole.”
(Simon after the Jeep almost got stuck in a mud hole)
“It wouldn’t be the same without being stuck in a mud hole.”
(Simon after the Jeep almost got stuck in a mud hole)
Day 14: Huntingdon House
“I just wanna lie flat on my back…”
(Jo and Simon, stuffed after a tea tasting, high tea and a three course dinner)
“I just wanna lie flat on my back…”
(Jo and Simon, stuffed after a tea tasting, high tea and a three course dinner)
Day 15: Huntingdon House – Tete
“No electricity, no visa.”
(Official at the border between Malawi and Mozambique)
“No electricity, no visa.”
(Official at the border between Malawi and Mozambique)
Day 16: Tete – Vilankulos
Jo: “Have a look, this is where we are.”
Simon: “I can’t. I’m busy poking my tongue out at the children”
(Simon’s response to kids asking for money or food)
Jo: “Have a look, this is where we are.”
Simon: “I can’t. I’m busy poking my tongue out at the children”
(Simon’s response to kids asking for money or food)
Day 17: Vilankulos
“That depends on your level of patience”
(Waitress to Simon on whether it was possible to have a baked potato with his meal)
“That depends on your level of patience”
(Waitress to Simon on whether it was possible to have a baked potato with his meal)
Day 18: Benguera Island
“So the Moon goes round the Earth twice a day…”
(Matt trying to figure out how the tides work)
“So the Moon goes round the Earth twice a day…”
(Matt trying to figure out how the tides work)
Day 19: Vilankulos – Maputo
Simon: “He really likes to make an entrance.”
Jo: “Especially when he’s full of himself!”
(Eagerly awaiting the rise of the Moon on the way to Maputo)
Simon: “He really likes to make an entrance.”
Jo: “Especially when he’s full of himself!”
(Eagerly awaiting the rise of the Moon on the way to Maputo)
Day 20: Maputo - Pretoria
“I get to Brooklyn Mall again! I’m so happy!”
(Simon, ecstatic about having made it back into South Africa without a yellow fever certificate)
“I get to Brooklyn Mall again! I’m so happy!”
(Simon, ecstatic about having made it back into South Africa without a yellow fever certificate)
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