Controversial Arguments

Shortly after my “incident”, I heard a radio show in which four men representing South Africans (a Zulu, a Xhosa, an Indian and a white one) were discussing the recent outbreak of violence and rape in South Africa.

The Zulu man was the first to speak and started off by saying that we must look at the underlying causes of rape and why men rape women. So far so good. He went on saying that:

“Men hit and kill and rape women because women are provocative. They dress provocatively and abuse men emotionally. After the incident has taken place, society then turns around and only looks at the action of men – the hitting and raping – but doesn’t see how emotionally abused men were by these women.”

I nearly crashed into the car in front of me.

This guy, apparently well-educated and chosen to represent a large part of South African society, was suggesting that women tortured and abused men so much that they couldn’t respond (and in fact be expected to respond) in any other way than violently. If men hit, raped and murdered women that was entirely their fault.

I don’t remember the last time I was so angry.

Even the white guy’s statement that “there was nothing that a woman could do to him to take away his responsibility and freedom to choose” did little to calm me down.

Fuming with anger, I arrived at my dinner date and immediately shared my outrage. But to my utter surprise, my friend seemed hesitant. I was baffled – how could he remain so calm and even see some sense in this nonsense?

But my friend reminded me of something that I had previously said to him…

When someone tried to steal my phone in central Pretoria, I said in retrospect that I had no one but myself to blame. After all, I knew that the CBD was a dangerous area and that one should never drive there with the window down. I had neglected this very simple rule and promptly become a victim of attempted crime. In a sense, it was my fault…

And my friend now drew the parallel: if women knew that an area was dangerous and they still chose to wear provocative clothes when walking through the streets alone at night, wasn’t it at least to some extent their fault if they got attacked? Do they not share some part of the blame for behaving in a way that is widely recognised as dangerous?

After all, is a lion trainer blameless if the lion attacks him? Is a racing driver not responsible if he gets injured in a car crash? Is a tourist completely innocent if he insists to go hiking in Congo and gets hijacked?

I couldn’t deny that my friend had a point.

Yet, I didn’t like it – not at all, not one bid. But I couldn’t argue against it either…

Everyone is responsible for their own actions and there is nothing that a woman can do to a man that gives him the right to injure or rape her. Yet, if women put themselves in danger fully aware of the risks, should they maybe indeed share part of the blame…?!?

I remain deeply appalled by the thought, yet unable to argue against it…