Before I got my license and car, I thought I would be a really patient and calm driver, always happy to drive slowly and generally over-careful. But now it turns out: I am none of these things … in fact, I am probably the opposite!
It seems that I am just generally a bit too careless when it comes to driving - in my first days I hit a few pavements, almost scratched someone when reversing, drove over a red traffic light at a mayor Joburg junction and my first trip to the petrol station was more amusing than successful. But the worst – and I hate to say it, because it is such a cliché – has got to be my parking. It’s probably not even that I am bad at parking, but I seem to be rather unaware of other cars around me and the fact that I might be driving into them! I think it is fair to say that right now I would definitely fail any driving test because there is no way I could reverse leave alone parallel park! A few months ago I found a note on my windscreen saying something along the lines of “You scratched my new car, please be decent and call. I took your details!” After careful consideration, I decided it was a prank and someone was trying to free-ride on my insurance as I had not actually parked anywhere near anyone else. But it could well have been true …
So, while I may not be the best driver in the world, South Africa is really not helping either! The only rule that seems to apply out here is “Whoever comes first, goes first!” The nation is in love with Four-Way Stops (stops signs on every street at a junction), where the first person to arrive at the junction gets to go, then the second one and so on. While the system seems to work most of the time, it breaks down once there are more than three cars waiting … confusion, more confusion and a lot of hooting! But what annoys me even more (and when I am annoyed in the car, I swear like an LA gangster) is that they treat all other traffic regulation measures as Four Way Stops as well! So after I spend months in the UK trying to understand the concept of roundabouts, which line I had to be in and when I had to indicate, South African’s simply treat them as Four Way Stops and go on a first-come, first-serve basis. I am sure you can imagine that I get a lot of evil looks, angry hooting and close collusions when I drive into the roundabout following proper UK rules! And as if traffic wasn’t bad enough with people randomly crossing the roads, taxis changing lanes and stopping wherever they please and the sound of hooting the air, there are also the crazy manic reckless drivers. When I drive to or from Joburg in the evenings, the motorway looks more like a disco than a road: There are so many flashing lights from cars changing lanes, road works and broken down lorries that driving becomes really quite difficult! To make things even more unpleasant, there’s hundreds of commuters (the road between Johannesburg and Pretoria is the busiest in the Sothern hemisphere), who try to overtake you on either side, no matter how fast you’re driving or how small the gap in front of you. The other day on my way back from Pretoria, traffic had slowed down to 10km/h because there was yet another accident. Suddenly the guy behind me starts flashing his lights at me, hooting and making wild gestures. I had absolutely no idea what he was on about and was already starting to get worried that there might be something wrong with my car, when I realised that I was simply not driving fast enough for his liking! So even though we were going at 10km/h (literally!), he decided to change lanes and slowly drove past me showing me certain fingers and swearing loudly… I couldn’t believe that he made such a fuss for absolutely nothing. But then again, this is Africa and by now you should really be proud of me for surviving accident-free in this madness for half a year!
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