There You'll Be

It’s over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who’s the one you’re clinging to
Instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You’ll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It’s just emotions taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don’t come back
Come home to me, darling
Don’t you know there’s nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight

Goodnight… Goodnight…

Liebstes Lieschen,

in the past days, long forgotten memories from our time together have sneaked back into my life. Like the time when we visited Julia and you spent hours teaching me how to put contact lenses in or how we discovered the beauty of the French language in the word “Ratrappe”. The other day when my roommate claimed that her mother made the best cheesecake in the world, I immediately thought that this was clearly a lie – you make the best cheesecake and it is heart shaped. I remember how you used to cut your toe nails every time after you had a shower and how we walked down the stairs in Bradfield – arm in arm counting down the steps to come. I thought about the cute little blue bag that you used to take to the Sava Center on weekends, where it became so useful.

When I unlock my door, I look at the key ring that you made for me. When I put my socks on in the morning, I find the ones that you have given to me. In my cupboard is the birthday card that you made for me and on my wall are the post cards that you sent me religiously from wherever you went.

But one of my favourite memories will always be of the one time when I came sleepwalking into your bed and complained that you wouldn’t give me enough of your duvet! You told me about it the next morning when I woke up next to you all confused, but beautifully wrapped up in your duvet…

These memories may be painful right now, but they are one of the most precious possessions I have. No one will be able to take them away from me! Those memories are a part of me and will always remind me that you are as well! You have made me the way I am – your friendship, support and love have helped me through many difficult times and I know that I could always count on you!

Liebstes Lieschen, meeting you made me want to be a better person – seeing how caring, attentive and thoughtful you were, how hard you worked to reach your goals and how genuinely happy you were to reach them amazed me and made me believe in the good in people. Knowing your amazing sense of humour and how beautifully silly you could be, while at the same time offering an open ear, a shoulder to cry on and helpful advice to everyone who needed it was something that I adored and cherished at the same time.

I know that there were times when I was not a good friend to you, but no matter how difficult I was, you would still come to my room every night to give me a hug before going to sleep.

I often felt that I did not deserve your kindness and felt that I was not being as good a friend to you as I could and should have been. It will be one of the big regrets of my life that I was too late to make sure you knew just how important and special you were to me. I am eternally grateful that I met you and that against all odds we became such amazing friends!

Liebe Leonie, kleine Lenny, liebstes Lieschen …

I cannot believe that you left us so early while there are still so many things waiting for you… one of them becoming the most amazing god mother my children could have ever wished for. No one will be able to fill the gap that you left, no one able to replace you. I will miss you every day of my live, but you will be with me in many precious memories… but everywhere I am, there you’ll be!